one day what's lost can be found
by aries-angel12
Summary: AU 3x12/3x13. Nav finds out the truth and has a last moment with ET. M to be safe.


**One Day What's Lost Can Be Found**

**This was written right before 3 x12 and 3 x13, based on the spoilers released. I was shocked at how kind of accurate I was. :) And it makes it sad now people are leaving :(**

**And this is Net, M/K and Nav angst.**

**Lyrics are from **_**Stand in the Rain**_** by Superchick and **_**You Found Me**_** by The Fray.**

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_One day what's lost can be found._

Now she knew.

The truth. At last. Murmured straight at her, his eyes never quite focusing on her face, dripping coldly from Fulton's mouth. She'd known all along. An accident couldn't kill ET. Not Josh, who risked his life in far more dangerous situations than this. Not Josh, who wouldn't have left her. Not willingly. Not ever.

She'd known it when she spoke the words that threatened to shatter her, to break her into further incomprehensible pieces then what she already was. She'd known it when she'd avoided the Boss's and X's heartbroken glances, and assurances that they were better off to do it. She'd said no, and left them to their soft bickering over who was more responsible. She was his fiancée, his divisional officer and direct superior. Better her then the X, or the CO, or his parents. She had the least and the most rights to speak the shattering words, that floated away slow enough she could pretend she was dreaming. Slow enough to be distinguished from the sobs that couldn't stop, the tears that wouldn't stop falling onto his cold face and still damp hair.

"This is the body of Leading Seaman Josh Holiday of the HMAS Hammersley."

She'd known in the brief moments that had seemed random, that ET was innocent. Anytime she looked at what she'd heard Kate term as her "shrine" to the Boss, in a way that made her sure that Kate had been through the same earth wracking pain of abandonment that she had, except that Kate's was older and still had the opportunity of a happily ever after. She'd known when she cried herself to sleep after his funeral, swapping her pillow on her rack with the one he'd slept on, the remnants of him being all that her hope clung to. She knew when she awoke with nightmares, screaming his name and hoping that it really was all a dream, that he was worth more then an accident. Somewhere there were scales, and Josh was worth more than an accident. She'd known in her brief interactions with Campbell Fulton, no matter what he said.

ET's name was now cleared, in her mind, like she'd known all along. No one except for Kate had believed her. She'd told Swain that Fulton wasn't trustworthy, and that he's had something to do with it, and he had told her he was clean. Clean. The leer, the grimace on his face now wasn't indicating clean.

"Why did you do it?" She shook her head, swallowing as she looked down at the camoflague, not looking at him standing on the other side of the stretcher.

"Nikki." He smiled, patronisingly. "Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't they? Navy-bred, to be Navy-wed, Navy befriended, Navy respected." Her heart sunk as she listened to his words, and then saw the meaning.

"Me." She said quickly, before hesitating and realising in shock. "Me….."

"Yes, Nikki. You. Sweet little Lieutenant Caetano, illict relationship, lost me my job, engaged to the new diver. I lost my chance before." His hand closed over her mouth, to stop the protestations he knew she would utter.

"Nik, shooosh. It wasn't just that. If he's engagaed to a Navy bird, who's inquisitive as hell, he's going to notice if stuff gets suss, isn't he? And you'd mention it to Captain Flynny, and the op would sink. You're too bigmouthed for your own good. Which is why, it comes to this."

"Comes to what, Fulton? I don't see any bull sharks around." Her voice was bitterly scathing.

"This."

He slung his arm casually around her back, before pulling her closer to him and closing his arm around her throat. He pulled her against him, tightly, and placed his other hand over her mouth to muffle her whimpered screams.

" We could have been something, if you'd given us the chance."

The pressure on her throat increased, and she gurgled, inhaling swiftly and panicky through her nose in a futile attempt to take in air, fighting to see beyond the stars sprinkled on the sides of her vision. It took effort to keep her eyes open, and she could feel herself losing it as her throat choked and gasped unwillingly. She felt Fulton drag her head further back, and the ceiling faded in and out of white and black spots. The hand over her mouth shifted slighty, and she let out a louder whimper in the limited air she had left. His hand shifted from her throat to cover her mouth again, as his other hand yanked her overalls open, the buttons popping. He hovered over her, arm still awkwardly throttling her, his mouth sweeping, dragging over her jaw. She closed her eyes as the ceiling faded, so that she couldn't see Fulton anymore. She didn't care. It would be over soon, and she'd see Josh again. Forever. She hid the slightest guilt for the others, for Kate and Spider, both in dire danger, but they still had someone that they cared for, that cared for them and only them. She knew that this would hurt the rest of the crew, and that she should fight back against Fulton, but she didn't have anyone to live for anymore. She didn't want to cause them unnecessary pain, because somewhere along the line X had become her closest friend and sister, and she'd always cared for Spider, but they had the CO and Bomber. That was obvious by the looks on their faces when Buffer had radioed in that the X was hurt too, and Spide wasn't getting any better. She only had ET, and he was gone. She struggled, fruitlessly, against the arm that felt tighter and kicked her weak legs, connecting with his shin. She knew that she should have looked further into those self defence classes that ET had suggested. She'd just thought that he would always be her knight in shining armour. Her consciousness slipping, she allowed herself to go, to let go and fall.

She opened her eyes to a mass of white clouds. She could have been lying on the deck of the Hammersley, on the rare occasions when she was allowed to, cloud gazing at the deep blue sky. She remembered cloud gazing, stargazing, only once on ship with ET, just after she'd first arrived. He'd laughed at her, before joining in, and telling her that out of all the people on the ship, she was really the only one that could be allowed to star gaze, being the Navigator. She'd laughed and told him that she could have directed them south, but that was about it. It was the first time, she felt, that she and ET had a connection, and she'd felt welcome and wanted. She raised her head and looked around. She was on the Hammersley, on the quarterdeck, in the dress she'd worn when ET proposed. She could see someone at one of the guns, and she walked towards them, gazing across at the calm blue sea and the empty ship. The gunner turned around as she watched, and looked at her, his smile sparkling. It was ET, in the uniform he'd never worn and looking as happy as she had ever seen him. She fought the impulse to run towards him as he stepped away from the gun, and throw herself into his warm and safe arms.

"Josh."

He smiled even further at her, and she realised she had forgotten what a beautiful smile he had. She reached for him, and wrapped herself in his arms. She buried her face in his neck, breathing his scent, his warmth and the sound of his laughter through the overwhelming sense of safety she felt.

"I've missed you, Nik." He whispered softly in her ear. She felt the tears begin to fall, and she knew that he was crying, too.

"I've missed you more. More." She whispered back, pulling her head away and looking deep into his watery, but still sparkling, eyes. She pulled him closer as they kissed, and she wished that she could spend forever, just like this, in his arms.

"I'm sorry. For everything. Everything, Josh, everything. It was my fault. I should have taken a shore posting, I should have. I should have –"

"Nikki. Nav. My fiancée." He smiled, and wiped away her tears. "Nik, I didn't want you to. We knew that we couldn't stand to be apart from each other. It didn't work. You wouldn't have liked shore. I wasn't going to make you do something that you didn't like, just for us. I liked diving. I knew how much Hammersley meant to you."

"It wasn't fair on you. You were always the one that sacrificed things for us, Josh. I shouldn't have made you do that. I would have done anything, anything ET. Anything for more time to be with you. I never wanted to lose you. Nothing is worth more to me than you."

"I know. And I wish, just as much, if not more then you, that things didn't turn out this way. I'm sorry that I never met your parents, and you never met mine. They would have loved you just as much as I do. I'm sorry that we didn't get the wedding we dreamed of. It wasn't anyone's fault, Nav. More mine than yours. I'm sorry that we didn't get to shock the crew, too." He chuckled.

"They were so good to me. So, so good. Buff said you never said anything about us."

"I wanted to keep you all to myself. And that's why, Nik, you can't stay."

"What? I'm here, now." Her voice broke and stumbled, and her tears came back in full force. "I – I'm not l-leaving you again."

" You're not leaving me. I'm right here. Always and forever. Nav. Listen to me. I love you, cherish you and promise to spend my life with you always, better or worse. But they need you. They need you to keep them together. You're their heart as much as you are mine. You can't pretend to me that you can walk away and leave them all behind. Spider, he got attacked by Fulton too. Fulton left him for dead, and then did the same to Kate. She's going to need you, Nik. She's going to need all the support you can give her, because Fulton left her pretty bad off, too. And now she's gone and got herself into a fight with Simmone, because she wants you to get justice. It's not looking good, Nikki. She's going to be in a pretty bad spot for a while, and you're her lifeline. She looks to you as her best friend, Navvie. Are you really going to stop fighting when you are the only one she can turn to?"

"I'm not being selfish. I'm not! I know that. I need you more then what they need me. Kate's got the Boss if she needs someone. And then she's got Buffer."

"Nav." He rested his hand on her heart. "Look at me. I am always in here. Always. You can survive without me, because I'm always there. You're not leaving me because I am never leaving you. I'm always in your heart. Whenever you need me. Kate's going to need you, Nav, because you are the only one that's going to be able to help her. She and the Boss are going to go through a really, really rough patch, Nik, and it's going to shatter both of them." He pulled her closer, taking a deep breath.

"But if I go back, what happens?"

"You live your life, Nikki. You keep on living your life, and feeding Lancelot, and keeping Hammersley together. You'll find someone, someday, who reminds you of me. Their laugh, their smile. And you'll pretend that you can't do this, and Nikki, I want you to. I want you to be happy. You'll marry him, and have a family. And then, when it's over, and only when it's over, Nav, I'll be here. Waiting. Forever."

"You're my only one, ET. Ever."

"You've got my blessing, Nik. If he makes you ahppy, then I am happy. It's all I want. So are you going back?"

"I have to, don't I?"

He nodded his head and pulled her closer still. He kissed her deeply, holding on to her as long as he could.

" I love you so much, Josh. Always have and always will."

"I love you too. Always have, always will. I still love you more though, Nikki. Lieutenant Holiday. Although, if you don't book yourself, and probably Kate and Spider too, from what I've heard, into some self-defence classes, I won't anymore." She smiled, laughing softly before kissing him again, passionately and trying to remember every little piece of him. They pulled apart, slowly. He kissed her forehead softly.

"Goodbye, Nikki." He swallowed, blinking away his tears.

"Goodbye, Josh." She swallowed too, before letting his fingers tug gently away from hers. She stepped back, further and further away into the sunset, until their fingers brushed, for the final time, and she was gone.

Her eyes snapped open, inhaling deeply through her nose, and she began to kick her legs furiously. She opened her mouth and bit down hard on his cold and limp fingers, and tasted his blood in her mouth. In the brief seconds as he pulled his hand away, she screamed for Charge. He slapped her across the mouth, and her face jerked, whipping with the movement. She grabbed his arms as he fought to cover her mouth with his hands, and dug her nails in as she screamed for help. She could hear his footsteps coming down the stairs, and apparently, Fulton could too. His fingers clasped around her throat again, and she spluttered helplessly. Her legs kicked wildly, connecting with his shins and the table, and she could only hope that Charge came quickly, and now. Fulton's fingers tightened slightly, and shifting her head slightly, she met Charge's stunned eyes. She began to struggle further, forcing Fulton to tighten his fingers further as she let out a gulping choke. She saw Charge take his arm back, fingers curled into a fist, and slam it into Fulton's triumphantly leering face. The pressure around her throat tightened as his fingers acted upon reflex, and he slumped across the table, nose bleeding and cheekbone swelling. Charge yanked his hands off her throat and slammed them into his back, shoving him further into the table. She breathed, yanking air into her squashed throat and repressing the urge to shiver. She looked down at herself and ran as fast as her weak legs would let her, to retch dryly into the sink. She turned away and adjusted her uniform, brushing the creases away as though it would brush away the taint of him. She gripped the sink with both hands, leaning against it as she faced Charge, shaking and breathing in hollow gasps. Charge had slammed Fulton into the stretcher again, judging by the smeared blood, and had then shoved him to the floor.  
"Are you okay, Navvie?" He looked at her carefully.

"You're going to need me to be." She whispered, shaking her head.

"Can you find some cuffs? He's getting locked in austere, preferably unconscious until we get back, and we see him handed over to the Fed's."

"We can just throw him in austere. He's not going to be anything other than lucid for a while, and they're going to need our help. Spide's injured, and X is going to be in a pretty bad way when they get her back here." She shook slightly, remembering ET's warning. She looked up at Charge, who was staring at her. "Don't, Charge. Don't ask how I know. I need to take the ship, you can get him to austere and then in here needs to be set up, a medivac radioed and I need to check on Lancelot."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And get 2Dads to do something, too. He can watch Fulton."

She wandered up to the bridge, walking past her cabin. She looked in, and saw Lance swimming almost happily around in the icecream container. She glanced up, and saw the mirror. Her neck was a mass of red, white tendrils creeping through every so often, with the purple bruising starting to appear. She raised a cold finger, tracing it along her neck as she shook, noticing how in disarray her hair was and the line of blood trickling from her mouth and lip. She wiped the blood away with her fingers, wiping them on a tissue. She brushed her hair down so it sat slightly neater, and walked out, into the bridge.  
"The navigator has the ship." She said into the PA. She took the radio.  
"Charlie 82, this is November 82. SITREP. Over."  
"November 82, this is Bravo 82. We tried to contact you earlier, but there was no response. Over."  
" There was a small complication. It's sorted. Over."  
"We need medical assistance ASAP for two personnel. Over."  
"It's already coming. ETA is one hour, at 2300. Over."  
"Good. We're going to need it. Bravo 82 out. "

She picked up the binoculars and focused them on the RHIBs that were barely distinguishable in the darkness. Within minutes, the first RHIB was approaching, and she left the bridge to do what little she could to help. The Boss and Bomber climbed up the ladder, and attached the RHIB to the pulley. Swain stayed in the RHIB with Kate and Spider, both of whom were lying on stretchers. Spider was dead pale, and Kate didn't look much better. The RHIB was taken up, and put away. Bomber and Swain grabbed Spider's stretcher, and she hurriedly held open the door. They walked through, attention focused solely on Spider, who had let out a moan, and from the look of it, bled through a bandage. She turned back to see the CO with Kate in his arms, and he walked towards her.

"The other RHIB will be here in a few minutes, RO and Buffer are bringing Matt and Simmone's body."

"Is X okay?" She whispered, looking at how pained Mike looked.

"I don't know, Nav. I don't know." He looked as the X stirred slightly in his arms, and she opened her eyes to look straight at her.

"Nik." She whispered brokenly, sounding horrified. "Your – your –"

"I'm fine. It's okay."

"Your neck. What – what…" Her voice stumbled, and she began to cough. They both looked worriedly at her.

"Kate, you need to stop talking. You heard Swain." His voice was as tender as Nikki had ever heard it.

"Have you seen her neck, sir?" She whispered hoarsely. He looked away from Kate and his eyes flicked to her neck. She looked down, knowing what he would see.

"Are you okay, Nikki?"

"I'm fine, sir. Fine."

"We're reporting that when we get back. That's assault." He said angrily. She swallowed, painfully.

"I think it actually comes under attempted murder." She whispered softly. "I don't want to talk about it. Charge saved me."  
She met his horrified gaze, before pulling the door open and letting him pass. The other RHIB arrived, and she waited, knowing that Buffer would have more then something to say.  
RO shuffled past, Matt Robsenn tightly gripped, and 2Dads came out to take Simmone's body with Charge. Buffer walked over to her, and tilted her head back with a finger so thathe could clearly see her neck.  
"Thanks, Buff. Really, Pete, thankyou."

" ET deserved better then this, Nav. You deserved better then this. Fulton?"

" I know. They'll pay. All of them. He's not worth it, Buff."

"I know. It's okay, Nav. It's over now."

"Yep." They were silent for several minutes.

"I saw him, Buff." She whispered. "He told me I had to come back, because you all need me."

"If both of you were gone, this ship wouldn't be very much. We needed both of you. There wasn't a luckier man then him, Nav."

"So it's up to us to keep this ship running then." She laughed.

"Up to us." He smiled back.

_  
__Just a little late, you found me,__  
__You found me_


End file.
